I love the way that Jesus cares for me. I love that He cares about the things that seem so big to me- like my future and his glory and my holiness (or lackthereof) and persevering me to the end. I love that He cares about providing for me - the right job, meeting my financial needs, giving me gifts and resources and energy and time and love to give away to others. I love that He even cares about the silly, inconsequential things - like this morning, the Trivia question at Caribou (which I have never been able to answer before) was "What does Philadelphia mean?" Growing up in Pennsylvania, I've known the answer to that question from elementary school. And I know it came up in Greek class recently. What does that have to do with the Lord showing his love for me in silly inconsequential ways? Because He's the omniscient and sovereign Lord of all. Because He knew I couldn't sleep last night and needed coffee to function and didn't have time to make it this morning. Because He knew I was a bit short on cash and after I got the discount for having the right answer to a silly, inconsequential trivia question, I had just enough. I guess you could say I'm over-spiritualizing a coincidence. But I don't believe in coincidence. And I don't believe Christ is going to fault me for thanking him for providing my coffee this morning.

I'm especially thankful that Jesus loves me enough to fill me with the Spirit and overcome my anxiety with his peace that surpasses understanding. I realized this weekend that I have NO IDEA where the Lord is leading me or what He's calling me to do next with my life. I don't know that I'm called to be a missionary, sender, college student, wife, mother, single, widow. I don't have a clue what to do with myself or what to prepare for, hope for, plan for, pray for. But I am completely overcome with His peace, surpassing all understanding, that Christ is in perfect control and He will let me know when the time is right. I think perhaps my favorite thing Cam Riviere ever said to me was "Rest assured that God wants you to know what He wants you to do more than you want to know what He wants you to do." So.. college decisions, job decisions, singleness, marriage, missions, martyrdom - whatever you want, Lord. That's what I want. I'll follow you anywhere. Just say the word.

"Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." - Psalm 73:23-26

I haven't updated my blog in a very long time, I know. There's not much excuse really, it's not like I've been super busy. I've been unemployed. Although I suppose in a way I have been far busier in the last two months than I've been in the last year. I finally found the place I've been looking for since I moved out here. I finally found some really great friends my own age in my own stage of life - or very similar. The Lord has blessed me with an amazing small group that meets on Sunday nights on 7th St. I am amazed at the way the Spirit is already moving in our group, the changes I've seen in the people I'm just starting to get to know, the social barriers breaking down, and the pretenses falling, and the Lord at work in and through us. I've never been so blessed in all my life. And I can't possibly find enough time to spend with them. I love them all so dearly.

Better yet, I'm in a group full of amazing Godly Christian men who are single and I'm not picking out China patterns. (But for the grace of God...) Instead, God has GIFTED ME in His infinitely amazing grace with contentment in singleness. I'm so thankful, but holding it loosely. My failure to hold on to contentment in singleness has been the thorn in my side for as long as I've been a believer. Truly, it's just a failure (or worse yet, a refusal) to be thankful for the gifts He HAS given me and to find my joy in Christ alone. Wow... that sounds a lot less socially acceptable and a lot more heinous when you put it that way. Jesus, forgive me.

Year 2 of TBI Essentials has been canceled, so I'm taking Koine Greek this year along with a bunch of very dear friends. I have no idea whether the Lord will call me to follow Him to Romania or Ecuador or Somalia or anywhere in the world or nowhere in particular. And for now, I'm okay with not knowing. He'll let me know what I need to know when the time is right. But I do know I'm willing to follow Him whereever He leads.

Living with the Joneses is still wonderful. They're so gracious and kind to me. I hope and pray I can be as great a blessing in their lives as they are in mine. I've spent countless hours listening to Johanna and Matt pour wisdom into my life, challenge me, and speak the truth in love. They are an absolutely invaluable part of my life. They're like my Minnesota Rivieres and McGallas combined, if I can even say such a thing.

I do miss my church family in Pittsburgh terribly. Especially the McGallas, I feel like we've fallen out of touch. The Rivieres too, I know we've fallen out of touch in that situation. Although Rachel is my regular e-penpal. Evan is coming to visit in October - I CAN'T WAIT. I miss her so much. If only I could make it home for a visit. Gosh, I was just there in July. Who'd have thought I'd miss home this much? I spent my whole life just itching to get out of Pittsburgh and now I can't seem to make it back there often enough, though I won't move back. I like it here, I'm happy here, and far more importantly, I know I'm exactly where the Lord wants me to be right now. He is on the throne, nothing is a suprise to Him, there's nothing that can thwart His perfect plan, and I have been ransomed by the blood of Christ - that right there is all my hope and peace. So I will trust you, precious Lord Jesus. With my heart, with my job or lackthereof, with my money, with my affections, with my friends, with my future. Because You are good and You are worthy and You have ALWAYS been faithful.

"The Lord upholds all who are falling and raises up all who are bowed down. The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food in due season. You open your hand; you satisfy the desire of every living thing. The Lord is righteous in all his ways and kind in all his works. The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desire of those who fear him; he also hears their cry and saves them. The Lord preserves all who love him, but all the wicked he will destroy. My mouth will speak the praise of the Lord, and let all flesh bless his holy name forever and ever." - Psalm 145:14-21

Tomorrow is my last day working for the Cundiff family. I can't believe it's been a year. It's been a rough year, to be honest, but by God's grace, I've learned a lot. So here's a list of fifty reasons I'm thankful that Jesus brought me to Minneapolis.

1. Bethlehem Baptist Church. Period.
2. TBI Essentials.
3. Everything I've learned in spending a year working for the Cundiff family.
4. I got to go to the DWYL tour when I didn't have a ticket til I got there - when 100 others were turned away at the door.
5. The Jones Family.
6. Mandy and Cameron Holly.
7. Everything I learned in my relationship with Jonathan and am still learning, even in his absence.
8. Learning to think more about why I believe what I believe instead of just being obnoxiously indoctrinated.
9. My first car.
10. My first Christian concert
11. Free shows at BBC - Fernando Ortega, Matthew Smith, Jason Harms, etc..
12. Amazing teaching every single week.
13. Learning how amazing Grace Church is and just how much I took it for granted.
14. Martha and Emilie.
15. Lang's Small Group.
16. Dunn Bros and Caribou Coffee. <3
17. Learning that I CAN survive Minnesota winters.
18. SUNSHINE in the winter time... even if it is 30 below.
19. Developing a greater appreciation for Grudem's Systematic Theology through Rusten notes. :P
20. Finding out I'm still totally depraved - and God's grace abounding all the more.
21. Learning how to make chicken and wild rice soup. mmmm...
22. Learning that nice is not always nice if it's fake.
23. Developing a heart for urban outreach.
24. Releasing my death grip on my dreams of Romania.
25. Christ opening my heart and mind to wherever He wills to send me.
26. Having Rachel Riviere for a pen pal.
27. Learning contentment in singleness, losing it, and then fighting for it.
28. Benefitting time and time again from Connie McGalla's intercessory prayers.
29. Learning the importance of transparency with my small group - the hard way.
30. Realizing how dependent I am on others - and being okay with that.
31. Gaining a greater sense of self-awareness.
32. Minor identity crises that come from moving away from everyone I know and love to a place where I have to start from scratch.
33. The Lord bringing forth fruit from #32.
34. Beginning to learn the difference between things which are inherantly sinful and things that CAN be sinful.
34. Being shown and convicted of the legalism in me.
35. Being shown and convicted of the materialism in me.
36. Learning that I can be stretched so far beyond my own limits and still survive by His sustaining grace.
37. Reading every book I can get my hands on about dating and courtship does not necessarily make me any more adept at it.
38. Even the best boyfriend isn't going to solve all my problems.
39. Finally being freed from coveting marriage and children.
40. Invaluable phone calls, emails, and visits from Ashley Schreiner.
41. Evan Middleton, my long distance BFF.
42. My accidentally fabulous new haircut. :o)
43. Discovering Indian and Thai food.
44. Bubble tea.
45. Midtown Global Market.
46. Experiencing freedom from self-consciousness, even if only temporarily.
47. Re-learning that I don't have to be a cookie cutter Christian.
48. FIGHTING for joy.
49. Free weekend Piper seminars. Wooooot!
50. Being surrounded by people who challenge me. Every. single. day.

New Moon

I must begin by saying again, this is surely the most compelling contemporary literature I’ve stumbled across. But then again, I’m not much in the habit of reading contemporary literature. Still, the author (Stephenie Meyer) is undoubtedly skillful in creating suspense. This book is by far my favorite of the four.

After a close call in his own home, Edward realizes his presence is continually putting his beloved Bella in danger. His response? He breaks up with her, assuring her that he no longer wants to be with her, and leaves, taking his family with him. Bella retreats into a zombie-like state, revealing throughout the book that her whole world was and is centered around Edward, and in his absence, “life, love, meaning… over.” (pg 73, 106, 201)

The unhealthiness of the relationship between Edward and Bella grows stronger yet, even from the first page. The book begins with a quote from Romeo and Juliet, “These violent delights have violent ends, and in their triumph die, like fire and powder, which as they kiss, consume.” Each takes that place in the life of the other which only God was intended to fill. And they fail each other over and over again, as is perhaps one of the only real Truths communicated in this book. The Lord is the only one steadfast in love and faithfulness, the only One who never fails. Watching Edward and Bella fail to learn this is like driving past a bad car accident - I don’t really want to see, but I can’t look away. The examples are numerous and the disturbing images of blasphemy grow more vivid, even Edward is now guilty of it as well, as he describes his life without Bella much like regenerate believers explain life before and after Christ (pg 510, 514). Bella hears and responds to Edward’s voice (pg. 4,111) in the same way that the sheep respond to the voice of the Shepherd in John 10:27 and 3-4. The book is wrought with professions that each clearly prefers death to life without the other. Edward even attempts suicide when he mistakenly believes that Bella has killed herself.

Bella remains as unkind and ungracious as ever. Throughout the first chapter, she quite brazenly refuses the kindness and generosity of Edward and his family, even on her birthday. (ch 1) She is also utterly incapable of recognizing what is morally beautiful about the Cullens (pg. 35, 53) - and believe me, there is no shortage of moral beauty in the Cullen family, particularly with the father, Carlisle. (see pg. 33-37) His life is a brilliant picture of redemption and conquering sinful desires of the flesh. He has conditioned himself to reject his besetting sin through years of self-control and service. He has redeemed the time, taking the very tools he was given to destroy life and now uses them to SAVE life. He is doubtless the most admirable of the characters, yet he advocates legalism in hope of salvation from God, though he presents it rather humbly. He is a believer in God and though he believes that vampires are “damned regardless”, he still hopes that “maybe we’ll get some measure of credit for trying.” If good works were the way to achieve a right standing with God, then he would be right. However, righteousness and mercy come from God only by faith in Christ the Savior. While I’m impressed by Carlisle, Jesus is certainly not. (Isaiah 64:5-6) For all the admirable goodness, self-control, and moral beauty of Carlisle and Edward, the truth remains that we are justified by FAITH and not by works. (Ephesians 2:8-9) The author continues pushing the idea that vampires are really angels through her descriptive language (pg 20). But I think it matters little whether we’re discussing angels or demons, vampires or humans, in a fictional story or on a street corner in your neighborhood, because truth is not relative, but absolute. The afterlife that exists for demons and all who are in rebellion against God and not trusting in Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior is the lake of fire- eternal punishment and separation from God, NOT annihilation. (Revelation 20:14-15, 10) But all this discussion of heaven and hell and eternity is a moot point for Bella, who makes clear that her concept of hell is life without Edward (pg. 503), even going so far as to say to Edward after his return, “If you stay, I don’t need heaven.” (pg 547)

I’m going to pause right here to say how shocked I am at how many Christian women have recommended this book to me. Even for all the suspenseful and compelling value of the books, you simply cannot get away from these kinds of heretical remarks for longer than a few chapters, at best. I suppose as secular romance novels go, the Twilight series is fairly tame, seeing as the characters are abstinent. But their abstinence is a necessity for her safety, not a choice based on conviction. (pg. 16) Also, the book is choc full of wrong concepts of forgiveness, blame, and accepting responsibility. (pg. 506-507, 513, 554, 43, 44) I should hope most of the grown women are reading with discernment, confronting the lies as such and enjoying the fiction for fiction’s sake. But I feel a stronger burden on my heart for the young girls reading these books, who are already so prone to teen idols. So many poor role models, and Bella probably the worst of them all.

In Edward’s absence, Bella develops a very intimate friendship with Jacob Black, a younger Native American teen whose father is best friends with Bella’s. Her relationship with Jacob is certainly more healthy than her relationship with Edward, but no less codependent. She manipulates him endlessly, playing with his affections though she knows it’s wrong, and communicates verbally that they are just friends, but physically that she wants more. (pg. 211-219, 343, 374-375) Though she admits that her heart still belongs to Edward, she does have a genuine selfless love for Jacob. Sadly, she never chooses to do the right thing by him. Instead, chooses selfishly to do what is comforting to her at his expense. Fortunately for Bella, Jacob is a safe choice for her rebound man. He makes his intentions clear and persistently pursues her, choosing to stay with her at great expense to himself as the boundaries between them become increasingly blurred. As the book progresses, Jacob turns into a werewolf as do five others of his tribe. The sole purpose of these wolves is to protect the tribe from vampires, the mortal enemies of the wolves. (Tensionnn…) In the clinch, she chooses Edward and the book ends with allusions that her complicated friendship with Jacob will suffer yet more for it.

Twilight

First, let me say that I found this to be one of the most compelling pieces of contemporary literature I’ve read. It’s a page-turner, and no mistake. The suspense was enough to make me give up precious hours of sleep and social time because I couldn’t STAND not knowing what would happen to the characters, who are all tragically flawed.

The leading lady, Bella Swan, is by far the most despicable. She is a feminist to the core and a martyr without a cause. She is unable to graciously accept kindness, takes herself far too seriously, and is filled with a strong need for independence which she struggles with in classic teen angst fashion. She is practically overflowing with the kind of pride which curiously manifests itself through self-pity and/or loathing, yet she collapses into child-like temper tantrums when someone wounds her pride.

Edward Cullen, her vampire star-cross’d lover, is a morally beautiful character; charmingly humble and introspective, respectful, kind, loving, gorgeous, a man who stands firm on his convictions - everything a girl could ask for. Except that he is a legalist and at the very least, a creature of questionably demonic descent.

The book’s own doctrine of vampires teaches that they are beautiful, powerful, pale-skinned, immortal, lethal murderers, who must drink the blood of humans to survive. However, Edward’s family of seven vampires (and another clan of five in another settlement) abstain from murdering humans and live off the blood of animals. The members of the Cullen family are united not by blood relation, but their “vegetarian” lifestyle, a choice each has made on moral conviction that they don’t want to be murderers, but instead choose to fight those inherent desires to live upright and ethical lives.

Edward reveals his own beliefs on his origin in chapter 14. He believes that “the same force that created the delicate angelfish and the shark, the baby seal and the killer whale, could create both our kinds together.” Repetitively throughout the book, Bella describes him as angelic, god-like, perfect, more glorious than an angel (ch. 12) - in language one usually only hears Christian Hedonists use when speaking of Christ and the glory of God. These professions of holy attributes to a human, and Bella’s dependence on Edward in the place of Jesus, are disturbing enough apart from the foggy explanations of exactly what these vampires really are. But I will say this, if they are indeed angels, they are fallen angels, and thus demonic and in rebellion against God.

The book also advocates a very man-centered worldview, teaching some form of deism. This presents itself most clearly in regard to Edward’s sister, Alice Cullen, who has visions of the future. According to Alice and all of her visions (which occur throughout all four books), every time people change their minds or “make a new decision, no matter how small - the whole future shifts.” (Ch. 22) Edward affirms this in Ch. 14 when speaking of Alice’s gift- “She sees things - things that might happen, things that are coming. But it’s very subjective. The future isn’t set in stone. Things change.” That is in complete opposition to what the Bible teaches about the sovereignty of God. This idea of God (and the future) reacting to the decisions of all humanity instead of all humanity reacting to the decisions of God, who is indeed sovereign over the future, is not a new heresy, but classic open theism. (Which is also heresy.)

The relationship between Edward and Bella is frustratingly touching, particularly on his part. But their co-dependent need for one another can be highly disturbing. But like so many others, (as I myself have experienced first-hand) they realize how unhealthy their relationship is, yet they are powerless to stop it. In fact, I think that’s the perfect summary for anyone who hasn’t read this book: it’s unhealthy, yet you’ll be powerless to stop reading it.

PROOF that two year olds DO listen ... sort of.

In my growing frustration that no matter how many times I say something to two year old Anna, it never quite seems to get through, the Lord gave me a strange sort of mercy as I realized that's not entirely true. It's a strange mercy because it doesn't really change anything, but it does make me laugh in the midst of an impossibly frustrating situation. It seems that she does actually hear the things I say to her, but somewhere between the time the words leave my mouth and register in her brain, the wires get crossed and the message is lost in translation.

I have included a few examples. A thing I say to the children daily or at least often, followed by some related response some time later.

Context of original discussion: The children tormenting each other to tears by boasting "I'm the fastest! You are too slow!!"
Me: God hates boasting. Jesus says we need to be kind to each other. The Bible says you need to let your praise come from someone else.
Context of Anna's application: A discussion about house centipedes.
Anna's application: God hates creepy crawlies. Jesus says we need to just squash them all. The Bible says that.

Context of original discussion: Anna is being super dramatic and forcing herself to cough. I don't pretend to know why.
Me: Are you coughing up a lung?
Context of Anna's application: She is REALLY coughing and sounds like she's in danger of choking, but is well enough to tell me that she's not.
Me: Anna, do you have something stuck in your throat?
Anna: Yeah.
Me: What do you think it is?
Anna: My lungs.

Context of original discussion: Any time I make food or dessert for small group or TBI potluck (which is often), Anna helps me. EVERY TIME she asks me if it's for my friends or my boyfriend. This time, we were making something for small group shortly after my boyfriend and I broke up.
Me: I have to do some cooking today, are you going to help me?
Anna: Is it for your boyfriend?
Me: No.
Anna: Why?
Me: He's not really my friend anymore.
Context of Anna's application: Making apple pie for small group yesterday.
Me: I have to do some cooking today, are you going to help me?
Anna: But you don't have any friends anymore!

Context of original discussion: Every day before her afternoon nap, I sing a song to Anna. Usually it's either The Gospel Song or Jesus Loves Me. She heard me singing "Jesus Paid It All" while I was doing the dishes the other day and liked it. (Note: she does have a Minnesota accent.)
Me: What would you like to sing today, Anna?
Anna: Jesus peed.

I know that one doesn't really count. I did try to teach her to say "paid" correctly. Sadly, her Minnesotan roots go so deep that the best she can manage is either "pad" or "peed".

I just love those little denominational differences and when they come up in conversation with the Cundiff family. Like prayer time at the dinner table, when they say "ah-men" and I say "amen" like a good little Baptist girl.

Yesterday, I was praising God for a weird spring in Minnesota because normally by this time, I'd be flat miserable with my spring allergies. The twins asked me what allergies were. After explaining, Christian said, "Oh, I don't have any allergies."
I told him that I hoped he never got them.
Then he grinned at me and said, "I'll never get allergies - I got baptized."
I thought I was going to die laughing.
"I have allergies and I was baptized - TWICE."
And then I thought Gretchen was going to die laughing.

Later that evening, we were talking about what I was going to do after I stopped working for them. I explained that I didn't know what the Lord was calling me to do for a job yet, but I was planning to move in with Matt and Johanna Jones and their kids.
"Where do they live?" Gretchen asked.
"Phillips," I replied.
And they burst out laughing.
And I smiled.

And as I was pondering all these things, taking a walk to enjoy the sunshine, with just me, the Lord, and my ipod - I realized that for the first time since I moved to Minnesota, I feel like myself again.

Thank you, Jesus.

I found this today. I wrote it in 2007 when I was working at Nico's and continually depressed by the hustle and bustle on Brookline Boulevard. As sad and jaded a picture it paints, I like it.

CONSIDER THIS PROSE: The Steel City

Midnight on the Boulevard of broken dreams, this town's never looked so broken down. Can't you hear the people screaming? They're crying out for salvation from a downward spiral they can't escape.

See the old man with the blue plastic luggage? He's got his whole life packed in those grocery bags, reading the same old trashy mags, living off bottles in paper bags. I'm sure he hasn't showered in a year, but he won't ask you for money.

And what about those sisters with the sweet little boy? They take turns all day getting in and out of cars with less-than-perfect-gentlemen and keeping an eye on the kid. It's enough to break your heart, just watching them scream that it's not what it seems, when you're only wondering who they're trying to convince.

Have you met the window washer? He'll clean up your store front in his neon Kennywood hat- but he just can't seem to clean up his act. But for an extra ten bucks, he'll throw in some extra streaks on the glass, take out the trash, he's just a little short on cash. "Consequences are expensive friends."

The same old solicitors are knocking at the door. Everybody's got something to sell. The bootleggers have b-movies and brand new releases for just five dollars. The smart-mouthed salesmen have CD Players and digital cameras for sale. Save big! Brand new! Just fell off the truck. Then there's the dealers, pushing their wares. You can even buy Jesus, just ask the Jehovah's - they're everywhere. Searching for one more soul that only they can save.

And as for me? I'll sell you a pack of lies. And for the right price, I'll even make it rhyme.

The twins were playing doctor today. Ehren was apparently quite ill. Christian was taking lots of x-rays of Ehren and putting him through all kinds of machines. Dr. Christian’s diagnonsense? “You have been eating too much junk food!” Then he gave him a list of instructions. The delivery was what made it so funny. He was very stern, shaking his finger, and speaking in a firm tone of voice.

Number one – Don’t eat any more junkfood.
Number two – Don’t fly around with blankets.
Number five – Go to sleep.
Number three – Don’t let the windows smash.
Number six – Brush your hair.

After he finished his list, I asked him, “If Ehren does all those things – will it make him feel better?” And Christian looked at me and said matter-of-factly, “No.”

I surely do love him – but when he grows up, I hope he sticks to engineering instead of medicine.

"Then King David went in and sat before the Lord and said, “Who am I, O Lord God, and what is my house, that you have brought me thus far? And yet this was a small thing in your eyes, O Lord God. You have spoken also of your servant's house for a great while to come, and this is instruction for mankind, O Lord God! And what more can David say to you? For you know your servant, O Lord God! Because of your promise, and according to your own heart, you have brought about all this greatness, to make your servant know it. Therefore you are great, O Lord God. For there is none like you, and there is no God besides you, according to all that we have heard with our ears." - 2 Samuel 7:18-22

Looking back at where I’ve been on birthdays past makes me more thankful than I can imagine for where the Lord has me right now.

At sixteen – I was so filled with drugs and alcohol that I couldn’t even take a walk outside in the cold to sober up. I vaguely remember falling and lying face down in the snow for some time, too stoned and stupid to get up, and laughing about it. Then I got so sick that I threw up for what seemed like forever. Then my mom had to come and get me. And in the car, I was so paranoid and anxious that I thought I was going to die. And for some reason, I thought that was "fun".




At seventeen – I was curled up in my mother’s lap, sober and depressed that all my so-called friends had so quickly abandoned me after I found Jesus and gave up drugs and alcohol.




At eighteen – I had just learned that even Christians know how to hurt and betray each other. Shortly afterward, I relapsed and fell deeper into addiction than ever before.




At nineteen – I had been running from the Lord and from my church family. No one knew where I was living – only where I worked. That week at work, I received a stack of birthday cards from every man, woman, and child at Grace Church, sharing messages of both Christ’s love and their own for me. Including a letter from Cam which utterly shattered my superficial world and spoke the Truth of the Gospel in a way that spoke straight to my heart. Looking back now, I can see that as each of my so-called friends failed me in their own way – my Lord taught me of his unfailing love for me. It was a painful lesson, but absolutely priceless.




At twenty – I was walking with the Lord, growing in Christ, hungry for God. The Lord had so drastically changed me that nothing about my life was the same. I had a very small group of Christian friends and never missed a Monday night bible study at the Riviere’s. My two closest friends lived together and had planned some extravagant birthday surprise for me that nearly imploded when they got into a massive fight beforehand. It was ugly. But it turned out alright, though our festivities were rushed and tense because of the fight between them. Everything was better by the time we got to bible study. Lisa had made my favorite espresso brownies. They gave me a beautiful framed photo of the kids and Cam gave me a copy of Pilgrim’s Progress. I remember thinking it was the best birthday ever.




At twenty one – I wanted to celebrate this milestone in a counter-cultural way. The Rivieres threw a formal dinner party for me and invited (almost) all of my closest friends. It was amazing and so special and I was thankful beyond what words could even begin to express. Though it was a little bittersweet as my dearest friend could not be with us – it was a lovely way to finish a year which had been hard on all of us. And not only was it the best birthday ever, but probably one of the best days of my life. This was the year to “put away childish things” and I stopped spelling my name like an angst-ridden rebellious teenager, as I was an angst-ridden rebellious teenager no longer, but a new creation in Christ.




At twenty two – There is nothing about my life at 22 years old that is the same as it has ever been before. If you had asked me even so much as a year ago what I would be doing right now, the answer would certainly not have been living in Minnesota, taking TBI classes, and going to John Piper’s church. While I’m not sure exactly where and what the Lord is leading me to, I’m sure that right now I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. And the fight right now is not just about being content in where He has me, but fighting to rejoice and give thanks in all circumstances.





“Oh, how abundant is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you and worked for those who take refuge in you, in the sight of the children of mankind! In the cover of your presence you hide them from the plots of men; you store them in your shelter from the strife of tongues. Blessed be the Lord, for he has wondrously shown his steadfast love to me when I was in a besieged city. I had said in my alarm, ‘I am cut off from your sight.’ But you heard the voice of my pleas for mercy when I cried to you for help. Love the Lord, all you his saints! The Lord preserves the faithful but abundantly repays the one who acts in pride. Be strong, and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the Lord!” – Psalm 31:19-24